What is love?
By definition, one of the first anyway, love is “an intense feeling of deep affection”. Do you get that? I do, but challenge the depth of what I consider to be a very general description of the most important emotion we will ever feel…and express.
Love is both a noun and verb. Crazy right? Let me put this into context. You can love something, your favorite jeans for example. And it can stop there. But if you wear those jeans every day, boast about them to your friends, diligent in making sure they are clean and stain free…now you’ve expressed your love and the noun becomes an action. I’m in love with these jeans.
The definition above only speaks to the noun, because it singularly highlights the emotion. If I could, I would change it to love is “an intense feeling of deep affection which is expressed through a variety of ways”. Because, what is love without both the feeling and the actions working together? After several conversations with couples in different stages of their relationship, I am certain that one has little relevance without the other.
The old adage “actions speak louder than words” may not be true in every situation, but it sure does hold its weight in most. Those three little words, I love you, is powerful. It transforms. It literally makes mountains move. The mountains in your heart, anyway. But is that enough?
Hearing those words, especially for the first time, can be life-altering. However, feelings are short lived and have the tendency to be temporary. When driving, the person who cuts you off gets a quick expletive and shooting-darts-side-eye. And you’re furious. How dare they? Next time it happens, literally time how long it takes to completely forget about what took place. I’m estimating less than 30 seconds. Why? Because the next emotion you feel is moments away, which pulls a completely different feeling based of your current mood, environment, severity of situation, etc. In saying all of this, your quick “I love you” as you leave for work that morning, may evoke a beautiful, appreciative and similar feeling in your partner, but by the time they make their cup of coffee, it may be long forgotten. Other stuff is happening, and right now, your love is not one of them.
Love is everything, and we all deserve it and all the wonderful-ness it can bring. But if you want it to be everything and then some…add action to the noun. It will enhance the feeling and make it real, lasting and enormous amongst all the other things that are running in and out of our minds all day. Make your love the biggest and brightest thing on her mind. So that everything else that comes and goes, doesn’t take up space that should be reserved for your love. Help him in his daily well-being by making him aware of how much you care. Model the acts of love that you would want returned to you. Basically, practice what you preach, with love.
So, when you are sending those romantic texts throughout the day, picking up their favorite ice cream on the way home, or have planned some intimate time alone tonight, remember that your “action” will make the “noun” very happy. And, set your love apart from others that fall short and seem lazy.
I don’t know what love is for you, but you have the ability to make your love whatever you want it to be. Define it with your partner in mind and the understanding that without work and constant effort, the sentiment alone may not be enough to help build and grow the true meaning of love that you are looking for.
xo...La Firn