Relationships today are facing more adversity than we’ve seen in many years. Maybe of our lifetimes, in fact. Times are so heavy and with so much tension, chaos and change, it’s pretty normal to see a fast-moving, downward spiral in our closest relationships, at home. Just like social distancing, washing our hands and following other guidelines are being stringently used to #flattenthecurve, we must make a concentrated effort do what we can in order to save our relationships from disaster.

Almost everyone I know is struggling. In some way. And there is much to struggle about. And I know it’s the worst situation some of us have ever seen. But, I’m begging for us to find the positives and blessings we do have, in order to see the light…and continually use it as our guide.

A lot of couples are now at home together. All day. Every day. There is little outside distraction, which normally would be great, but when you actually don’t have it, and need it, it can be hell. Most days probably feel very flat and un-inspiring. You yourself may have lost your mojo and feel lifeless…just going through the motions. With no end in sight, it may feel like it’s easier to give in to these feelings. I’m here to tell you, THAT IS NOT AN OPTION.

More than ever, your effort is needed in order to make your home exactly where you and your partner (spouse, girlfriend, fiancée etc) want to be. You always need to be focused on making your relationship work, but now comes a time when there are more emotional, psychological and physical needs stirring in you and your partner, and to see the future together, those needs have to be given extra special attention and care.

One of you may be at home and responsible for the kids. Both of you may be essential or with jobs that have you working from home, trying to share space and focus. Someone, if not both of you, is losing sleep worrying about money or job security. And much worse, there could be family in different places, without access to them. Too many other scenarios to mention, but I did these because sometimes, seeing it in black and white is even more effective than hearing it. What I want you to see is that not everyone is ok, and it’s not just ‘business as usual’. One or both of you could be experiencing things that are causing far more pain, discomfort, grief, worry, sadness and anger than either of you are willing to show or discuss. And some, may have communicated their feelings to partners who are trying to be strong and dismiss these feelings altogether. Whatever is happening in your relationship, I can assure you, that the likelihood of your partner NOT BEING OK, even if you are, is HIGH. VERY HIGH.

You may feel like because you are together all the time, that all must be well. But have you ever heard this…sometimes it’s better to be alone with no expectations, versus being with someone and still feeling completely by yourself? This is something I hear, especially by women, in all different stages of their relationships. I feel like we get so stuck in our responsibilities, that we can easily lose sight of our desires. Big difference, right? Both sexes tend to focus on both, but for some reason I tend to see that we prioritize them differently which can cause major, sometimes unknown, tension between couples.

It’s time to talk. Communicate. Ask questions and don’t take anything between you for granted. Just like how you would check in with your work team, or call your parents to see if they need anything…do the same with your partner. Every day. Find out how they are doing, what their challenges may be and what, if anything, you can do to help. And there is always something, believe me on that one. You’d be surprised how quickly you will calm your partner’s soul with a caring ear and genuine support. Most of all…have these talks when you have time to engage without distraction. Show your partner that you are interested in hearing them, and participating in a conversation that will better both of you.

Makes me think of the good ole days when things were quite hot between my hubby and I. We would talk until the sun was peeking over my window sill. Then I would know I have to go because he needed to get ready for work. And as tired as I would be all day, I couldn’t wait to do it all over again. Why? Yes, because I just couldn’t wait to hear his voice, learn more about him and how compatible we were. But also because he gave me solace, knowing that someone was there, interested in listening to me, laughing at my sarcastic jokes, and giving me that male advice that was always so strong and decisive. Well, I need that as much now, as I ever did before. And I’m betting every cent of my withered bank account, that your partner would do well with some of that loving attention right now, also.

Be well, stay safe, and talk. Remember, #weareinthistogether and we will win this war.

(look out for my next read, and possibly some group calls where we can share some advice and give support to one another. If you aren’t on my FB page, please like/follow so you don’t miss what’s happening there)

Stop the Corona Virus from killing your relationship